When Ole quit farming...

When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.
The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"
Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak: "You were born a beef, you were raised a beef", and as he sprinkled salt over the meat he said, "and NOW you are a FISH!"

http://www.basicjokes.com/djoke.php?id=58

You talk to someone else and look ...

You Might Be A Lutheran If... ...you talk to someone else and look at their shoes first....you have more than three friends whose first names have the letter "j" as the second letter....the only open pew is up front, so you volunteer to shovel the sidewalk....Ole and Lena are really the names of your relatives....you know what a Lutheran Church Basement Woman is....you give a party and don`t tell anyone where it is....you think hotdish is one of the major food groups....your five-year-old recites the Old Testament books as Genesis, Exodus, Lutefisk
http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/lutheran-jokes

Your church library ...

You Might Be A Lutheran If... ...your church library has three Jell-O cookbooks....it`s time to change a lightbulb and the left side of the aisle begins a debate on "change," while the right side of the aisle musters five volunteers--one to hold the bulb, and four to turn the ladder....you laugh out loud while reading this list, and relive your childhood at the same time.... you think the four food groups are coffee, lefse, lutefisk, and Jell-O....you can actually come up with responses to this....you sign a petition to have Campbell Soup Co. rename its "Cream of Mushroom soup" "Lutheran Binder!"...you actually think the pastor`s jokes are funny....the bumper sticker on your car says, "Legalize Lutefisk!"

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/lutheran-jokes

You only serve Jell-O in the ...

You Might Be A Lutheran If... ...you only serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color for the season....you didn`t know chow mein noodles were a Chinese food....when someone mentions red and green (in terms of Christmas), you immediately think of a battle over hymnals....during the entire service you hold your hymnal open but never look down at it....during communion you hum the hymns so you can see who`s at church that Sunday....rather than introducing yourself to a visitor at church, you check their name out in the guestbook....you think Garrison Keillor`s stories are totally factual....you have your wedding reception in the fellowship hall and feel guilty about not staying to help clean up.

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/lutheran-jokes

You Might Be A Lutheran If......

You Might Be A Lutheran If......you notice the Kool Aid stock shoots up during the Vacation Bible School season....you wonder why bread and wine are used for Communion instead of coffee and donuts....you are referred to as the frozen chosen!...Commandment #11--If it`s never been done that way before, don`t do it....you consider lottery tickets a serious investment....you make your hotdishes with cream of mushroom soup and your salads with Jell-O....you sing "Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus" while sitting down....a line item in the trustee`s budget is "coffee maker maintenance."